The Self-Love Journey: What to Avoid Along the Way

6 min readOct 19, 2023

Embarking on the path to self-love is a transformative and empowering journey. Learning to love yourself is a process that takes time, patience, and self-compassion. While there are many positive steps you can take, there are also things you should avoid along the way. I myself, have run into many road blocks on my journey and these are just a few I can share personally. In this blog post, we’ll explore what you should steer clear of when on the self-love journey to ensure you embrace self-acceptance, positivity, and personal growth.

Comparison:

One of the biggest traps to avoid when learning to love yourself is comparing yourself to others. Which from experience is incredibly easy to do but challenging to practice. With our digital world, social media is a constant bombarding of others you can compare yourself to. The comparison game can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. You may not realize it but comparison can happen unknowingly and can slip past your own self awareness. Remember that your journey is unique, and you should focus on your progress rather than measuring it against someone else’s.

phone screen with social media like instagram, facebook and twitter now known as X — Photo by dole777 on Unsplash

2. Negative Self-Talk:

Negative self-talk is a significant obstacle on the path to self-love. Avoid criticizing yourself, putting yourself down, or engaging in self-sabotaging thoughts. Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations and self-compassion. Challenge those inner critics and replace harsh words with kindness.

Whenever I find myself talking down about how I look or about my weight, I take a page from my wise mother and slap the thought out of my head. The old saying of “fake it till you make it” actually does apply. Just the other day I was walking out of a Walmart and seeing myself in the overhead surveillance tv and thinking “Wow, I’m so… round.” The creeping feelings of sadness and insecurity started showing its ugly head as I exited the store. But just as the cool autumn air it my face I suddenly thought to myself,

“Fuck that! I’m fucking beautiful! I am healthy! I am wealthy damn it!”

Call it crazy but my heart felt a lot lighter after that inner pep talk. I started smiling as I walked to the car and I called my mom to share that little anecdote of my life. I am still working to believing those words myself, but it’s the fact that I turned my souring mood into a positive one that counts. It is a step in the right direction!

3. Seeking External Validation:

Relying on external validation for self-worth is a common pitfall. Avoid seeking approval or validation from others as the sole source of your self-esteem. Instead, learn to validate yourself, recognize your accomplishments, and celebrate your uniqueness.

Now for a long time I didn’t fully understand this piece of advice but I implore you to listen. In my adolescence I sought out validation from my peers by doing what I thought they’d want me to do. From wearing “trendy” outfits to picking up the lingo/slang that was popular, I was destroying the light that makes me as an individual unique.

I wasn’t cultivating myself as a person. I was instead trying to fit a mold that I thought was pleasing to be around. Now that I’m older and spent some time in isolation (thanks Covid) I got to finally learn more about myself. I learned that no, I don’t like parties, vaping or using terms like “on fleek” or “savage” (now you might be able to carbon date me lol). Now I do what makes me happy without worrying what might be deemed “likeable”

4. Perfectionism:

Get Lovingly Awakened’s stories in your inbox

Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.

Perfectionism can be a major hindrance to self-love. Striving for perfection is often unattainable and can lead to feelings of frustration and self-doubt. Embrace the idea that it’s okay to make mistakes and that self-love is not contingent on being flawless.

Truth be told, I’m still working on this one. But a trick I started doing about two years ago was to just start doing without overthinking the processes. Along the way I will correct my methods but at least now I don’t obsess about my projects not being “good enough” or “worthy enough”.

5. Holding onto Past Regrets:

Avoid dwelling on past mistakes or regrets. Learn from your past, make amends where necessary, and let go of the guilt and shame that can weigh you down. Self-love is about forgiving yourself and moving forward.

For someone who’s just in their mid twenties, I feel as thought I have many more regrets than people my age. What if I had continued ice skating? Would I be as over weight as I am now? What if I had told my middle school crush I liked him? Would I have been in a relationship with him? What if I had taken communications as a major in college? Would I be moving forward in my career?

So many what ifs and if onlys flood my thoughts once in a while and its a dark place to spiral into. I find that if I journal my thoughts, it does get easier to maintain a positive outlook on life. I remember that even though there are regrets in my past that there is a brighter future to look forward to.

6. Toxic Relationships:

Surrounding yourself with toxic people can be detrimental to your self-love journey. Avoid individuals who bring you down, criticize you, or undermine your self-esteem. Cultivate relationships with people who support and uplift you on your path to self-love.

A big misstep with this piece of advice is to remember that relationships mean more than just romantic ones. Friends, family and even professional relationships can all have the potential of being toxic or healthy. Don’t fall victim to “gaslighting” and always remember that you have a unique light that has the right to shine just as brightly as anyone else in this world.

7. Neglecting Self-Care:

Self-care is an essential component of self-love. Avoid neglecting your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Make time for activities that nurture your soul, whether it’s practicing mindfulness, pursuing hobbies, or engaging in self-compassionate acts.

In college, I went through a time of my life where I didn’t care what I looked like. I was punishing myself for something that I had done without caring about the future repercussions. I neglected my body and my mental health for many years after and as a result put on a lot of weight. I didn’t realize that my self inflicted “punishment” on myself was an act of self sabotage and disrespect to my body. Now I feel the effects of my decisions and I’m working hard on correcting my mindset.

I dedicate time in the day for myself, drinking water, taking showers and walking are all simple acts of self love that you deserve no matter what. Remember that your body is truly your temple for your soul and should thus be treated with respect as well. So try plopping on your favorite chair or couch and spend 10 mins mediatizing on positive affirmations.

Conclusion:

The journey to self-love is a process filled with ups and downs, but it’s one of the most valuable and empowering paths you can embark upon. To truly love yourself, it’s important to be aware of what to avoid along the way. By steering clear of comparison, negative self-talk, external validation, perfectionism, past regrets, toxic relationships, and neglecting self-care, you can focus on self-acceptance, positivity, and personal growth. Embrace your unique journey, and remember that self-love is a continuous, beautiful, and lifelong process.